Observer : 20 Real Signs That My Cat Is Planning To Kill Me

It may seem that our lovely pets love us.But what if,behind their gestures,is structured a whole plan,an evil plan to kill their master?Who knows,after all my cat is planning to kill me.This are my observations after watching it's gestures:

1.Left one day a dead bird's head on my bed - "Godfather" style threat.

2.Kneads on me a lot - this is not a sign of affection , my cat is cheking my internal organs for weaknesses.

3.Licks itself a lot (to be wet and safe from heat sources) & hangs a lot near the fireplace (studying the fire) - tries put the house on fire.

4.Sleeps on my electronics - trying to sabotage my connection to the outside world.

5.Sprints at light speed out of any room I enter - failed ambushes.

6.Sprints in front of me at the head of the stairs - trying to make it look like an accident

7.Throws up grass - through this painful feeding and purging process,my cat is preparing it' mind and body for the final strike.

8.Hides in dark places around the house - studies me in my natural habitat undisturbed.

9.Stares at me a lot - if I look away I will show that I am weak , and an attack is likely to follow.

10.Shovels dirt in my backyard - practices for burying bodies.

11.Brings many friends home lately - more cats , more power.

12.Purrs a lot - German ethologist and cat behaviorist Paul Leyhausen interpreted it as a signal that the purring cat is communicating that it is not posing a threat - he was assasinated by his cat.

13.Allies with the enemy - hangs out with the dog who tried to kill me a week ago.

14.Rubbs against my legs - trying to kill me with a shock from the static electricity.

15.Never watches TV , but when I saw the episode of Springer titled "I Want My Owner Dead" my cat became very interested and watched the whole episode with me.

16.Looks around innocently and makes that cat's look from "Shrek" - trying to look as normal and not guilty as possible.

17.Sprints in front of me at light speed - trying to give me a heart-attack.

18.Sleeps the whole day - prepares a night attack.

19.Paws at my face when I sleep - cat's aren't very good at smothering people, but that won't stop them from trying.

20.Bringes me poisoned rats and mice - trying to poison me.

I will update my report on this situation as soon as possible.If I don't post it soon,call the authorities.Tell them that Devin did it.