Observer : 20 Real Signs That My Cat Is Planning To Kill Me

It may seem that our lovely pets love us.But what if,behind their gestures,is structured a whole plan,an evil plan to kill their master?Who knows,after all my cat is planning to kill me.This are my observations after watching it's gestures:

1.Left one day a dead bird's head on my bed - "Godfather" style threat.

2.Kneads on me a lot - this is not a sign of affection , my cat is cheking my internal organs for weaknesses.

3.Licks itself a lot (to be wet and safe from heat sources) & hangs a lot near the fireplace (studying the fire) - tries put the house on fire.

4.Sleeps on my electronics - trying to sabotage my connection to the outside world.

5.Sprints at light speed out of any room I enter - failed ambushes.

6.Sprints in front of me at the head of the stairs - trying to make it look like an accident

7.Throws up grass - through this painful feeding and purging process,my cat is preparing it' mind and body for the final strike.

8.Hides in dark places around the house - studies me in my natural habitat undisturbed.

9.Stares at me a lot - if I look away I will show that I am weak , and an attack is likely to follow.

10.Shovels dirt in my backyard - practices for burying bodies.

11.Brings many friends home lately - more cats , more power.

12.Purrs a lot - German ethologist and cat behaviorist Paul Leyhausen interpreted it as a signal that the purring cat is communicating that it is not posing a threat - he was assasinated by his cat.

13.Allies with the enemy - hangs out with the dog who tried to kill me a week ago.

14.Rubbs against my legs - trying to kill me with a shock from the static electricity.

15.Never watches TV , but when I saw the episode of Springer titled "I Want My Owner Dead" my cat became very interested and watched the whole episode with me.

16.Looks around innocently and makes that cat's look from "Shrek" - trying to look as normal and not guilty as possible.

17.Sprints in front of me at light speed - trying to give me a heart-attack.

18.Sleeps the whole day - prepares a night attack.

19.Paws at my face when I sleep - cat's aren't very good at smothering people, but that won't stop them from trying.

20.Bringes me poisoned rats and mice - trying to poison me.

I will update my report on this situation as soon as possible.If I don't post it soon,call the authorities.Tell them that Devin did it.

Advantages and disadvantages : Porn Star

Let's get serious.Just for a second.You can't do a move on the internet without stumbling upon porn.Could be a text ad,a visual ad,a video or a pop-up with adult content.And sometimes it appears from nowhere.Well,from somewhere,but you get what I mean.Anyway I did not post this to offend anyone or instigate any discussions,this list is just for fun.Think twice before choosing this career!Even if it seems wierd this job is not as easy as it looks,and has more disadvantages than advantages.That couldn't be right,right?

Advantages

FOR MEN & WOMEN - You are famous.Or very famous.Note that this can also be a disadvantage for its negative parts (losing the respect of your family , friends, negative publicity, etc.).
FOR WOMEN - You are adored by your audience.You have fans everywhere.If they like you.
FOR MEN - Common!Sex with beautiful women!Important advantage!
FOR MEN & WOMEN - If you are really good at what you do you can do a nice amount of money from this job.
FOR MEN & WOMEN - You travel a lot.You shoot movies at different exotic places in general.
FOR MEN & WOMEN - Meet a lot of new people.Interesting people.Some of them maybe too interesting.





Disadvantages


FOR MEN & WOMEN - STD ( sexually transmited diseases ) The biggest disadvantage of them all.Don't forget,some cause death.Na-na-na-na-naaaaasty!
FOR WOMEN - Unwanted pregnancy.
FOR MEN - I really can't remeber this disadvantage.Damn
FOR WOMEN - Abuse.A lot of female pornstars are abused at least one time in their life by some crazy individual.If not,they are really lucky.
FOR MEN & WOMEN - A past that can't be erased.You can quit the porno industry but it wont quit you.
FOR MEN & WOMEN - The emotional disadvantage.Here's a lot to write about so I'll stop here.
FOR MEN & WOMEN - People are judgemental,so most of them won't be able to look at you as a person instead of only a porn actor or actress.I am talking of strangers,not about your family or your friends.
FOR MEN & WOMEN - Injuries.Yeah you read well,physical injuries!I wont say what kind of injuries but probably you already got that for yourself.Or search the internet!
FOR MEN & WOMEN - Sex with total strangers.(Could be an advantage,depending on your point of view.)


So that's all for now about porn-stars.If you can think about more advantages and disadvantages please put your ideas in comments.Have a nice day!Or night!

P.S.If by any chance you are a porn star and you are reading this post please share your point of view (yeah right,like thats gonna' happen).